Lost in the Sauce

good thing I love sauce

Hello Beloved Friends

U guys I am lost in the sauce

I’m feeling beyond tired.

my capacity has been stretched!!!

I’m ready for this week to be overrrrrrrr

api staged an intervention and somehow hacked into the mainframe of my computer with his body?!

thank u for reading the newsletter 🥹

I’ve had so many moments of connecting with people and learning that they are a newsletter reader!! It is really special, and really fills my heart with joy. It has also been a delight to hear stories of people using the care plan creation guide!!

Writing this newsletter, and committing to writing it weekly, has transformed me. There is a special magic when discipline meets creativity, and the reflections that this commitment has pulled out of me is both joyful and unexpected.

I had no way to predict the intimacy I would feel when I realize that the person I am talking to is a consistent reader. Thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!

let’s talk about the sauce

I stole this meme from Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha’s substack, Postcards from the end of the world.

I love Leah Lakshmi’s work and her substack is needed brilliant medicine. She shared this video essay that was created from her essay, Palestine is Disabled

Recently, I have been reading The Girl With the White Flag by Tomiko Higa. Tomiko, now 86 years old, was six years old when she and her siblings were forced to flee their home and hide in caves and holes from the bombing of Okinawa carried out by US forces.

Sometimes stories scare me

Before I read them, I feel avoidant and stressed. There is a part of me that wants to stay on the surface, and is scared of facing the fear and stress of a war time story.

A friend shared the plot of the book with me, and I felt motivated to pick it up. I read in very short bursts every morning and pause when I feel my limit.

To my surprise,reading this difficult story brings up sadness and fear, but also hope and awe.

I am energized by Tomiko while simultaneously feeling so much grief and sadness. Reading about this awful event from the past that so resembles the present also saddens me.

I am dreaming of a future without mass murder, without genocide, without war. I am asking myself, what needs to happen to get there?

It feels like too big of a question to easily answer, but it is a question I am meditating on. If any answers come forward I will let you know.

What does it mean to feel lost in the sauce when I am living in peace?

I feel some shame for acknowledging my feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion while I am living in the United States and there are people all over the world being displaced by violent extractive capitalism, bombing, and war.

I know this a very human emotion, and I’m sharing because I imagine that some of you might also be wrestling with this.

I think it is important to acknowledge my feelings and internal expierence. Using other people’s struggles to dismiss my own is a form of avoidance. In those moments, I am not truly present with other’s people’s expierence, but rather I am submerging myself in repressive shame.

Simultaneously, I am grateful for the voice that show up when I am feeling very cranky that turns me towards gratitude, and offers me perspective.

It can be so easy for me to get caught up in my own world, and for my problems to seem so serious and big. However, when I do turn outward, I quickly realize that my true problems are collective problems.

When other people expierence violence, it breaks my heart too.

it is an innate part of my purpose to disrupt violence and oppression.

I am still deepening into this purpose and learning how to disrupt violence.

Right now I feel like I live my purpose by being courageous, keeping it real, and telling the truth. It can be so easy to avoid the truth to keep the peace, but when we come to each other with honest concerns we show our true love for each other.

enabling abuse is not love

it is often easier to withhold feedback, and not challenge a deeply held truth. When we love someone, we are honest with them, and we let the know when we are concerned about the validity or morality of their words or actions.

When I talk to someone in my community about their words or behavior that concern me, it elevates our relationship. Sometimes these conversations result in us taking space, but even the process of implementing boundaries is one of respect and care. I find when we are honest with each other it sowes a deeper level of trust.

It’s pisces season !!!!

Photo by zhengtao tang on Unsplash

Quarantine started during Pisces season 2020. I remember I was in an herbalism class and I made a tincture for navigating the unknown on the Pisces new moon before I even knew Covid was a thing.

As we head towards this new moon on Sunday, I encourage us all to move with extra awareness that difficult feelings might emerge for us around this time of year.

There will be a new moon in Pisces on Sunday!!

A great time to take a mindful bath or to spend time upside down. Pisces is all about expanisve unknown infinite waters. It always makes me think of underwater caves. This is the time for psychic dream journeying (if ur a professional), or crying if u are a baby like me.

These piscean waters are tending to the spring flowers that will soon be coming our way, and have already started to poke out there heads

I’m still going live every monday and friday!!!

Next week we will be talking about the disorganizing impact of trauma and I will be sharing movement to help re -organize the mind and spirit!!

You can watch previous lives on my youtube. You can also turn on IG or youtube notifications and it will let you know when I go live!!

THANK U FOR READING // LOVE UUUU

as always, please share!!!