What does community even mean???
I answer this question with cute photos of me and my friends
Hello, Beloved Friends
I love the word community and use it all the time
But I know that due to the violence of non-profit messaging and the way language evolves, community is a word that does not mean the same thing to all of us.
So what does even community mean?
In my opinion, community is ultimately about giving a fuck about each other. It is recognizing a common bond— weather that is a shared identity, a shared interest, or a shared expierence of oppression; community is about care.
In my opinion, an essential part of being in a community is getting to truly know each other. It is so easy to project on others and allow them to become the fuel of our insecurity, or to see others as two-dimensional stereotypes come to life, but we are all complex humans here.
Once, a movement elder told me that the strongest communities are built from joy— not from trauma
I don’t know if I agree.
While I have witnessed the toxic communities that form over a common enemy, I have also witnessed the tender cultures of care that emerge from people who have survived violence.
Capitalism separates us into our own lanes, but we need to turn toward each other and create circles of reciprocal care
I like boundaries! I believe in them and love them, AND sometimes this mental health language really pushes individualism and calls it boundaries.
There are times when we have to prioritize our own survival and only think about ourselves, and thats ok. I don’t want to guilt or shame anyone who has ever been in this position. I have often agonized over having to choose my own well being or survival, and feeling shame for “abandoning” a community member.
The fact that we are in a position to make choices like this, and that we have are so responsible for our survival, points to how deeply damaged and fractured our communities are.
Colonization was a purposeful attack on our spirituality and our structures of care. from midwives to family systems, our way of lives were destroyed, and we are all still in the wound, but while we are here we might as well have some fun.
I offer care, and I need care too.
I love my friends, and the way the shower me with love and affirmation. I love them for their patience, and the way they hold me in love even when I am wrong, when I am my worst self, when I make mistakes.
we have to be careful and kind with each other so we can be dangerous together.
To me, being kind and careful means remembering each other’s humanity. It means catching our strong emotions — of anger, sadness, deep woundedness, and honoring and expressing those feelings, but not at another person. It means investing in our capacity for presence so we can truly witness each other and not just subconsciously play out the patterns of harm that have been imprinted onto us.
It takes a lot of effort, care, and intention to be in loving relationship with groups of people. Even with an excess of care it can still be triggering, painful, frustrating, and hard.
If you struggle in relationships or feel surrounded by conflict, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are doing relationships wrong.
Conflict is a part of connection. Not all conflict is necessarily good conflict, but conflict can be a sign of honesty and authenticity.
Most healthy relationships have conflict of some form, and often the conflict is actually so frequent and normalized that it is not even perceived as conflict.
Even though I work in mediation, I do believe some relationships need to end.
Some relational dynamics are not healthy or safe, and the best thing for both parties is to take space.
In my opinion, it is possible to cross a point of no return, and I give thanks every day to live in a time and a region where I am able to go no contact with people if I choose.
To me, learning to be dangerous together is sharpening our communication and self accountability skills so we can prevent harm, preserve trust, repair when needed, and create resilient webs of care that can hold us in our wild humanity.
The world needs us to be dangerous
our planet is dying due to extractive colonial capitalism. Children are being forced into labor, millions of people displaced.
We are over 100 days into a genocide in Palestine. Each day hundreds of people being ruthlessly killed and injured, and thousands of people are being deprived of medical care, food, and water.
In America, we are witnessing a collapse of medical, educational, and physical infrastructure as our tax dollars are funneled into domestic policing and international military.
This is a crisis. This is not normal.
Even as we may be tempted to abandon others to save ourselves, we have to turn toward each other
Together, we can solve any problem. I truly believe this, which is why I have devoted my working life to supporting others existing together harmoniously.
It starts with acknowledging our emotions, and holding space for our pain.
As we heal ourselves and expand our ability to tolerate discomfort, we cultivate capacity for intimacy
Have you ever interacted with someone who is great at talking and terrible at listening?
Those interactions make me feel incredibly lonely, and I imagine the other person, the unskilled listener, also feels lonely.
If we are so deep in our own world and only interested in what we can share, we never get the chance to receive. We end up sharing physical space with others but not actually connecting.
It can feel overwhelming, but with intentional breath, so much is possible.
So please my friends, take a breath with me and set an intention.
These past two weeks I have been coming together with the people in my life to apply for the Trans Justice Funding Project , and it has been an exercise in joy.
We are meant to come together, to dream together, to love each other, to care for each other, to embrace each other, to help each other grow in our wild and messy humanity.
I hope there are people in your life you are able to connect with lovingly and deeply. I hope you all are able to come together, to hold each other in the grief, and to scheme and dream about a more peaceful future.
I encourage you to gather your homies together for a dinner party and to cultivate some slow, delicious, intentional space over flowers, candles, and mushroom tacos with green sauce, and talk about things that are important to you, and how you can support each other, and take action together!
Things are easier (and sweeter) when we do them together!!
Speaking of the sweetness of community…
I am excited to share about an exciting offering from someone in my community!!
I have recently had the pleasure of connecting with the brilliant K. Kenneth Davis, AKA The Trans Capitalist!!!!!
I first bumped into Kenneth’s work years ago. I wasn’t really onboard for the capitalism, but I was excited to see a trans person talking about money, because our community really needs support on that front.
I met Kenneth over zoom for the first time in 2022, and now we are besties! As I’ve gotten to know them I’ve realized that Kenneth isn’t really a capitalist, as much as they are an evil genius that has dedicated their life to helping trans people game the system of capitalism
Our work shares a common core: we want people to claim their power!!!
We both support people breaking generational curses and destructive cycles, and I am so excited to be collaborating with Kenneth!! keep your eyes peeled, more info to come!
Kenneth is invested in our financial freedom
You guys, Kenneth is a real one and if you check out their youtube you can see all the incredible content they have made over the years including:
How to organize your finances
How to transition on a budget
How to get insurance to cover top surgery
Yesterday they went live and did a q&a on high yield savings accounts and I actually set one up during their live!! And now I have savings that are earing 4% interest!! If you are also trying to get your savings together I encourage you to watch the video and set up your own account.
I have so much shame embedded in my relationship to money, and Kenneth is such a kind and non judgemental teacher.
Kenneth just launched a recession-proof financial freedom course
You can learn more about it here
I will be in the cohort!!! So please come through if you want to get financially free!!!
Right now there is an Early Bird Special with a $600 discount on the program!! I know there are only 8 spots so if you want to sign up, I encourage you to do so ASAP.
Kenneth also was kind enough to offer you all, my beloved community, a very special discount code. Use the code 1ST to get $100 off!!
I hope to see you in the container
In other news…
My friend told me that there is a FREE VERSION of Opal called screen zen!! I haven’t tried it out yet but I am so happy we are all healing our phone addiction!!!!
LOVE U ALL THANK YOU FOR READING <3 <3 <3
i hope the photos in this newsletter brought you as much joy as they brought me. See you all next weeeeek!
This was so calming and easy to read. These moments are sooooo sweet and grateful for your wisdom 🦋♥️✨✨✨