Grief is an intentional practice
We think of grief as happening to us, but I think its something we have to choose
Hello Beloved Friends
In the northern hemisphere, we are in Fall, the season of metal. In this season, we are meant to reclaim our energy in preparation for the deep stillness of winter.
We do this by releasing stagnant energy and by pulling our energy back towards us. As we wind down projects and things come to a close (or at least a solid pause), it is important that we let things end and that we extract ourselves completely.
As we enter fall, the southern hemisphere is entering spring, a time of expansion and groundbreaking growth. As we turn our energy inward and incubate our roots, we are gathering resources for the spring in our distant future.
I was just in Los Angeles.
It was glossy and sunny and beautiful! The heat was a relief from the cold weather of the east coast, and there wasn’t a fallen leaf in sight!! My loved ones and I celebrated the turn of the season with pomegranate juice and decorating with marigolds.
with all the sun, it felt easy to not slow down and to keep moving fast. It worries me a little for all my loved ones who live out there. As beloved elder Olivia says, you can’t have 3 summers without having 3 winters.
everything dies, everything needs to rest, nothing grows indefinitely forever. Wherever you are in the world, I hope you are making time to rest.
I think we assume that rest is easy and that we all automatically know how to do it. There is a seed of truth in this. Rest is intuitive, but it also requires skill, especially as we age.
When I have entered times of designated rests I have often glamorized it in the time leading up to it, but when I’m actually in the thick of designated rest time I find that without the distraction of work it is difficult for me to sit with my mind.
I felt guilty about this until the brilliant Alexis Pauline Gumbs shared with me that Ella Baker, the American Civil Rights activist, once attempted to take a sabbatical and failed.
This story both validated the difficulty of rest, and allowed me to recommit to resting. If Ella Baker and her community worked to create a time for her to intentionally rest, then it is important.
Like rest, grief takes skill and practice
I am writing about grief because there is so much to grieve, especially right now as we intimately witness and call for the end to the genocide of the Palestinan people.
As collective consciousness expands around Palestine, I also see violence and genocide happening in Sudan and the Congo rising to the surface.
Over time, as we continuously witness violence, it is human nature to become numb to what we feel. This can also be true for grief that arises from personal loss. When we feel pain continuously, it is exhausting, and over time, we become numb.
Sometimes, we vilify or pathologize our survival strategies. Sometimes, we have to numb or dissociate to survive.
When I catch myself in profound disassociation, I take it as an indicator that I am under stress. I do my best to catch myself with curiosity and compassion, although, in my younger years, I would react with judgment and repulsion.
Self-compassion can be challenging to access. Witnessing ourselves without judgment takes commitment, devotion, and practice.
Although it is a commitment to cultivate, the fruits of practicing self-compassion are rich. A meditation teacher once told me:
Practice is not about perfection; it’s about freedom
When we practice self-compassion, we free ourselves from the deep chains of self-loathing. We can be present with life as it is, to experience it not as an indictment of our self-worth or a confirmation of our worst nightmares.
Many people rely on our self-hatred to line their pockets with our frantic, impulsive, fear-seeking spending. I say this as someone who spent most of my life seeking a cure to cure me from being myself.
These days, I feel so glad I never found it, because these days I really love myself and my life.
Even in a life I love and adore, I still find myself in the turbulent and chilling waters of intense grief. I go numb, and with care, I revive myself.
I take the time to hold my sadness with gentle care, because while it may seem appealing, ignoring our grief causes it to grow and bloom and take over our lives.
The more we run from grief the bigger it becomes, enfolding our existence and pulling us deeper into its immersive belly of rumbling incoherent emotions.
When we can turn towards our sadness and hold it with care, tend to it with intention and ritual, be kind to it as we would with a baby or child, we offer ourselves life.
I say this because the violence we are witnessing, even if we are only witnessing it tangentially, is horrific. Oppression is dehumanizing and violent and the antithesis of life.
It is important that we continue to tend to our bodies and spirits. To grieve publically, loudly, with loved ones and friends, in our homes, in the streets, on the phone to our senators, in emails and letters.
May we continue to embrace our vibrant voices and let our grief and demand for life and freedom and peace echo through our lives.
Sometimes, in the face of cruelty and oppression I get overwhelmed and scared. I feel tired and guilty and worried that I won’t protest correctly or the right way.
It helps me to remember that movement can be full of love, good food and sweet memories. That marching together is fertalizer for friendship and strong community. There is real risk in protesting too, and it’s important not to minimize.
But it’s also important to remember that there will be fresh flowers, good music, and dancing in the revolution.
In the spirit of this I am doing a little winter holiday fundraiser for the Middle East Children’s Alliance. I researched the organization and noted that they are a reputable and transparent organization that is serving Palestinian and Syrian Children.
you can take a peek at my online store, The Opulence Abundance Intergalactic Rest Stop for Infinite Beings, and purchase a shirt here
I took time to also consider fundraising for the Democratic Republic of the Congo or Sudan, but my research revealed that the United States is sending a significant amount of aid to both places.
While the need is great and I encourage you to donate directly to Sudan, the DRC, and Palestine, it does seem from my very unqualified perspective that talking about and turning our attention to Sudan and DRC is incredibly important. We are not removed from these conflicts, but intimately connected to them.
Our connection to each other in grief, in peace, in conflict, is a gift.
My beloveds, thank you for reading. I had so much to say!! I will be traveling to India this coming week, and will be posting on my instagram stories. You can follow me at : @opulenceabundance
As always I deeply appreciate your support! Please consider sharing my work with people in your network if you found it valuable:
Take care of your mind body and spirit! Remember to rest!!!!! Talk to you soon <3
Thank you. Rest and grief takes practice. <3 I love your costume, too!!
this was truly an opulent and abundant offering hehe 💖 💖❤️🔥 i loved reading it, thank you. this quote was particularly resonant + was a needed reminder for me: “Even in a life I love and adore, I still find myself in the turbulent and chilling waters of intense grief. I go numb, and with care, I revive myself.” i’m actually thinking of printing this part out & pasting it in my journal. thank you thank you thank you!