Discerning love with Bell Hooks

And fun photos from a gay plant shop!

Hello Beloved Weirdos,

me, on a tinder date at SaveReign, a gay plant store in upstate SC.We didn’t really vibe and decided not to meet up again, but at least I look good in this photo

I’ve been thinking about what love is, and I adore bell hook’s definition:

love is a combination of six ingredients : care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust

bell hooks

So much so, that I made a graphic of it to use as a phone lock screen.

I started thinking about it after listening to Penn Badgley, an actor who played the role of a stalker on gossip girl and on a more recent Netflix show called You, reflect on power dynamics, love, and the difference between love and cathexis

You can listen to Penn Badgley reflect here

bell hooks defines cathexis in All About Love:

“When we feel deeply drawn to someone, we cathect them; that is, we invest feelings or emotion in them. That process of investment wherein a loved one becomes important to us is called "cathexis". I his book Peck rightly emphasizes that most of us "confuse cathecting with loving."

We all know how often individuals of cathecting insist that they love the other person even if they are hurting of neglecting them. Since their feiling is that of cathexis, they insist that what they feel is love.

When we understand love as the will to nurture our own and another's spiritual growth, it becomes clear that we cannot claim to love if we are hurtful and abusive.”
― bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions

I appreciate the growth in my vocabulary and knowledge of discernment. I feel so lucky to have many reference points for true love, not just attachment.

Api, the love of my life

I have spent the past few years thinking about how I can be more present with other people. How I can listen to them with my whole body when we are together instead of trying to recreate or play out the fantasy/expectation of what should happen that I came up with in my head, or even more frequently, engaging with someone as a distraction or way to disengage from my own life and emotions.

my barbie pool ! Finally all set up :)

I had the beautiful opportunity to bask in real true love this past weekend. My beloved friend Salter visited me this weekend and we had many fun adventures, including visiting my mom!

There is something special about friendship that has ripened over time. I have harvested the fruits of this friendship many times over, and each day I feel that our friendship grows sweeter.

New Moon; New Cycles

There is a new moon on Wednesday, which is also the day I will be sharing my course, New Cycles with the world!!

I want to give you all a sneak peek in the form of some special screenshots!

This is a photo of me, my friend Beck, and Salter from 10 years ago!! I look at this photo and think, dang I have been advocating for trans rights for a long time.

if you signed up for my waitlist, you received an email today about the course and a very generous coupon code!

There is still time to join the waitlist and catch the deal!

Thank U for Reading!!!

For my paid subscribers, keep scrolling! I am so excited to share the first version of an e book with you about values and practices!