32, Renewed, and Basking in Love
Resting in love; tending to dreams of community love, abundance, and care
Hello beloved friends!
Happy Taurus season! I just celebrated my 32nd birthday this past Friday!
I feel incredibly loved and somewhat overwhelmed by all the very kind, thoughtful, and genuine birthday wishes I have received!
My friends, I am learning about receiving.
I receive, and I receive, and I receive.
Through reception, I am learning how much I give.
I am receiving the depth of love available to me in this world.
I am learning how much joy I give to others.
I decided to visit Los Angeles for my birthday. After six months in South Carolina, adjusting to the energy out here took me a few days! I love the vibrant community of artists and weirdos.
I have an incredible circle of friends in Los Angeles. They show me what love is, and when we come together, we create moments of joy, pleasure, and community.
In their presence, I find relief from my existential anxiety and dread. I feel true safety. My nervous system settles. I come home.
I know that no matter what happens when we are together, we will solve it. These friendships teach me what it means to hold another person with love and care.
Like a lizard, I bask in the stability of their love.
My friendships and the love we show to each other is so beautiful, and it makes me weep. I treasure them deeply.
In Buddhism, they talk about the sangha, or community, as one of the true refuges of life. Alcohol, weed, workaholism, and food are all false refuges, they make us feel better for a moment, but we need more and more of them and are never genuinely satiated .
Community is seen as one of the jewels in the crown of life, a true refuge where we can lay down our armor, be nourished, and find our way back to our inner star. Healthy friendships sustain and renew us. They don’t cost money.
In the presence of my community, we venture into the pleasure realm together, and while sometimes we get lost in there, we always find our way out, back to our bodies, beds, and lives. Because we have each other, we find ourselves and each other over and over again.
My hunger for community has led me to stay in unhealthy relationships at different times in my life. Often, I felt that if I left or spoke my truth, the relationship would end. I know I am one of many that crave belonging deeply and have compromised to maintain connections to meet that need.
It can be confusing. Love involves compromise, forgiveness, and grace, but it can be challenging to discern when appropriate. I adore bell hook’s definition of love. She says
“…love is a combination of six ingredients: care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust…”
bell hooks
In my early life, I had no reference point for the type of love bell hooks was referencing, but I was lucky enough to meet bell hooks and spend three days with her when I was 19.
I was able to talk to her about my ideas of love, the power of love that I had rooted in. She affirmed my inner wisdom and helped water a seed of healing within me.
I grew up with people who loved me to the best of their ability. When my family or community members would break trust or undermine safety in our relationship, they often were not doing so maliciously, but it still happened. I often attempted to ignore or forgive these hurts and harms without acknowledgment or repair.
I found myself always armored, feeling unseen, and spiritually hungry.
In 2015 I told my beloved friend (at that time new friend!) Zumi, I thought love was sacrifice. They repeated my question back to me, sat me down, and showed me the below clip of Eartha Kitt:
Honestly, a solid video. I’m sharing somewhat randomly at this point, but all this to say, I feel so lucky to have found my people.
This is why I do the work I do. Whenever I feel like an imposter, I move through sticky conflict and feel unqualified, I think of this precious network of honest, authentic, intimate friendships.
It is the love of my friends that qualifies me to work with individuals and groups in service of creating harmony and abundance, through the tough work of addressing conflict with slowness and care.
I feel invested in doing this transformative work of self accountability and shifting patterns, because doing this work in my own life has led me to people who really love and cherish me.
With the foundation of their love it has been possible for me to dream and make those dreams come true.
You all witnessed me live these dreams out earlier this year!! Many people don’t know it, but the speaking gig I got in Boston was actually the result of an ancient friendship!!
My beloved friend Salter and I got together on the phone and dreamed into the possibility of me sharing my loving presence with their students. They felt it would be healing, and so I submitted a proposal, and it all came together remarkably quickly!!
It was so joyful to see my friend, to see our slumber party scheme come true! Not only was it delightful to see Salter, but I continue to feel moved by the impact my speaking engagement had on participants. Not only did we get to see each other, but in our act of coming together we actively created healing spaces for students of color.
This is not the first time Salter and I have used our friendship to create ripples of love and belonging. In 2013 I had the honor of sharing the stage with Laverne Cox and a young transgender girl. Salter was so moved by this event that they called me up the next day to put on a fundraiser for transgender people living in South Carolina.
This was in 2013, and it was truly visionary. We ended up creating an organization to contain their vision called the Trans Love Fund. I continue to be humbled by their vision and commitment to bringing it to life.
I am continuing to dream into what is possible when my community comes together! You can witness some of these sacred fruits on Monday!!! I’m hosting a launch party for a labor of love I engaged in with my beloved friend
I hope to see you there!! Remember to wear your pajamas, it’s a strict dress code.
If you are interested in dreaming into a collaborative future, or bringing me to your community to talk about love and harmony, schedule a call with me!! Let’s dream up something beautiful together and bring it to life!!!
With love,
Opulence